Mary’s Story

Mary cares for her 96 year old mum, who struggles with her mobility and memory. About a year ago, it all became too much and Mary reached breaking point.

“I am the main carer for mum, although my sister does help out. I also have two brothers but their attitude is that men don’t do caring for a family member and it is my role.

Last year, it all became too much. As well as caring for mum, I was bullied at work and eventually resigned. I have not worked since as I don’t feel confident enough. My GP has been very supportive and referred me to Carers in Hertfordshire.

I am now under the Mental Health team and, totally unexpectedly, they diagnosed me with ADHD, which doesn’t sit well with me

I had a Carer Planning conversation with a Carer Support Advisor to discuss the support that could be available to me. This was the first conversation I have ever had about my wellbeing and caring role. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure if I qualified as a carer as I am doing what any daughter would do. We discussed so many things – the amount of caring I was doing, finances, returning to work, what support I could utilise and just how overwhelming I was finding my caring role. I went into the conversation feeling incredibly low, unmotivated, low and was thinking I can’t do this much longer. The Advisor was so lovely – she believed me, which was so affirming. I was told about the Make a Difference grant and the Carer Support Advisor booked me onto some wellbeing courses that Carers in Hertfordshire was running. The Advisor also referred me to the Money Matters programme. At the end of the Carer Planning conversation, I felt much clearer about my next steps.

My one tip for other carers is to speak to one of the Carer Support Advisors. This conversation has helped me so much, she really understood everything I’m going through. I can’t thank her enough, for her time and kindness. She showed empathy, listened carefully and I feel much more hopeful about many things.”