Anne’s Story

Anne has been caring for her mum, who has dementia, ever since her dad passed away over 20 years ago. Anne is finding her caring role challenging as she has very little support, although her mum has brilliant neighbours who keep an eye out for her. This is her story.

“I have been caring for my mum for years. I do have a sister who visits once a week and cooks a meal but I go every day. Even when I am not with her, mum will call multiple times a day. I have a number of health conditions myself and I am in constant pain. I am waiting for an appointment with a specialist to see if they can help.

Mum has recently been moved to a bungalow which helps with the worry about falls. However, Mum has not really settled and keeps saying she wants to go home, back to her childhood home. She often calls me repeatedly through the night and will pack her bags ready to go in the morning. She often gets angry with me when I say she is home and she calls me a liar. That is hard as I am only trying to do my best for her.

When I called Carers in Hertfordshire, I became very emotional about my caring role. I spend my life caring and do not feel able to show my emotions as it will distress mum. Having someone just listen to me with understanding was amazing. My siblings leave most of the care to me. I haven’t had a holiday or break since 2014 – I am exhausted. I have been holding in all this emotion for fear that if I start to cry, I will never stop. To be honest, I do not think I have grieved for my dad properly as I was thrown straight into caring for mum. The Advisor spoke to me about self care and how I would not be able to care for others if I did not care for myself. She also suggested that I speak with a friend every now and then to release the feelings.”

Reflecting on the conversation with the Advisor, “even though I sounded terrible, my shoulders have dropped and I feel lighter having spoken to you and had a good cry. Thank you so much for making me think about me and my own wellbeing.”